Action star Steven Segal has reportedly been selected by Vladimir Putin to help get Russia in shape. Segal is being asked to develop a countrywide exercise regimen and single-handedly lead the next invasion. ... The DNA-testing web site, 23andMe, regularly features surveys that its members can participate in about health. A recent one asked if I had ever been diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome. I replied, "I don't know and I don't care." Actually, I suffer from Hamburger's syndrome and occasionally have an irresistible urge to be covered in onion, lettuce and tomato.